It’s Not All On You
In social impact and youth-focused work, we often feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. I remember as a young educator, I was the first teacher there in the morning and the last to leave. I couldn’t take a day off, because my perception was that I was so needed in my school, in my classroom. If I wasn’t there for one day, everything might implode. HA! Looking back, what egocentrism! What self-importance! What a lack of trust in everyone else!
Many years later, I continue to evolve and grow toward a more shared and collective style of leadership. And yet, it seems to me that I continue to see leaders in our sector tell themselves this same story:
It’s all on me. If I don’t do it, nobody will. If I’m not here, this work won’t move forward.
Friends, that’s just simply not true. You ARE important. You are ESSENTIAL. You are AMAZING. And, this work DOES NOT rest ONLY on your shoulders.
While the culture of our organizations, our political systems, our education systems, our corporations continually place responsibility, burden and blame on individuals in positions of leadership, fulfilling your purpose on this planet is not a solo act. As my friend, Jen Croneberger says: We aren’t meant to do this alone.
“We were never meant to do this work alone.”
We are meant to do this work together. How do I know? Look to current thinking across fields like:
🔥 Quantum mechanics. Carlo Rovelli tells us that our existence is only in relation to others. From the tiniest particle to human beings, reality is a vast net of interactions where there are no things, only relationships. My favorite image he paints is: humans don’t understand the world as made by things, “we understand the world made by kisses, or things like kisses — happenings.” We understand the world through interaction, through relationships.
🔥 Organizational development. Meg Wheatley describes how conversation is the way that humans have always thought together. In dialogue, we expand our thinking, find application, imagine new possibilities.
🔥 History. We already know that the history we learned is framed by and steeped in white supremacy, misogyny and mistruths. But, look at Graeber and Wengrow’s The Dawn of Everything to find inspiration. They recast humans’ history from bumbling hunter-gathers to imaginative people (like us) with a vast and varied tradition of playfulness, curiosity, care, and often of eventually overcoming our mistakes in community. With each other. Together.
As we’ve become more isolated, insular and detached through the pandemic, our inner introverts may have been thriving. And also–at this point, years into this–may be overwhelmed and a bit paralyzed. Like so much pressure is on your shoulders and you don’t have a release valve.
I spoke with a friend recently who shared how she was able to navigate through the pandemic. In year one, all focus was on the pandemic: “How crazy. How stressful.”
In year two, it was emergency mode. Coping with another wave and then violence. War. Shootings. As a person whose work is to support and help other people, she depleted her energy. Then, had to go to her reserves, her energy savings account. And, used that up too. She’s now running on fumes, what little is left. She’s doing “self-care” as best as she can. And yet, here we are–she’s tapped out. Her glass is empty. Can you relate?
Many of us in the social impact, education, nonprofit sectors are experiencing similar situations. How do you change this? Where do you find energy for your work when you literally have nothing left?
Here’s what I’ve been doing: Dispersing the weight and gaining energy by sharing just a little bit of my hardship and also my happiness with others.
I have:
Reconnected with my undergraduate mentor. She’s going to be 86. What a gift we can talk on the phone weekly as we conspire to change the world.
Joined a professional network of entrepreneurs who have similar struggles and successes as I have. They are from very different fields—from finance to sales to techquisition—but those connections have been liberating. The dialogue helps me zoom out to a bigger vision. And that is energizing.
Setting up coffee dates with new and old friends and colleagues. A client introduced me to a friend of theirs who recently moved to Maine. It’s actually been so fun to meet a new person who shares professional interests but has different experience from me.
It’s true. We were never meant to do this work alone. Even when you *feel* alone, please remember you are actually part of a broader network of people who care about you and your work, people who want you to be successful, happy and fulfilled. Think about those people in your life—who have been in your life, who could be in your life—who can you connect with? What interactions can energize you and start refilling your cup?