Working from Home and Other Paradoxes

It used to be that we could keep work at work and then come home to rest, relax and rejuvenate. Work life and home life could be—at least—physically separated. Over the past couple months, we’ve all been figuring out how to mix the two, some days more successfully than others. And that home-work paradox highlighted several other tensions we’ve been existing within. How do we do it?

Paradox 1: Home-Work

At first, I tried to keep the two separate: doing home related tasks in the morning, and work related things in the afternoon. That sounded like a good idea, but was impractical—when there’s a work meeting during my scheduled “home” time, what can I do?  Not feeling very accomplished, I switched to weave work in between home schooling, child care and meal preparation—kind of an on-again, off-again approach. That left me with a few dispersed hours of each and feeling completely ineffective at either and totally exhausted.

Paradox 2: Personal Accountability-Public Health

I talked to a colleague last week who emphasized that this pandemic is really about personal accountability. “Only you can wash your hands. Only you can wear a mask,” he said. And, yes, I agree. Except what about the broader political context and public health system? While I’m washing my hands and wearing my mask, we are not seeing people in power positions doing the same. And our states are talking about re-opening, even though public health science is not indicating it’s safe to do so.

Paradox 3: Self Care-Care for Others

There is so much mental health guidance surfacing that is highlighting the need for self-care during pandemic times. How many times have we heard the airline announcement, “Put on your own mask first, before helping those around you” or the kitchen table wisdom, “You can’t draw from an empty well.” Agreed that we need to care for ourselves. And yet, part of eliminating the virus is about caring for others. Right, you may not have the virus, so care for others by staying at home so you don’t become a vector for it. Stay at home if you’re able, because there are others that must work and cannot stay home.

Paradox 4: Being Human-Being “Professional”

So many people are new to this work from home environment. Suddenly work colleagues are in your home for meetings. We are seeing the laundry on the floor, the paper towels stacked on the fridge, your partner walking into the kitchen. There’s a level of vulnerability and intimacy we’ve been thrust into that no one could’ve prepared us for. And while we are caring for a sick family member, grieving the loss of a community member and juggling child care with work, we’re expecting ourselves to show up on work meetings and be fully present and “professional.” Professional, which to some, may mean seeming like this human experience is not affecting us.

Paradox 5: Surviving-Learning

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I’ve emerged from survival mode yet. The sheer uncertainty of our world keeps me up at night. I am still cooking meals like we’re on a camping trip—trying to make due with what we have, not opening up the possibility of an unscheduled grocery store run. When we’re surviving, trying to meet basic needs of safety and security, our brains are not really ready for learning. And yet, we know that the only way we’ll get through this is to adapt, learn and change.

It struck me that we’re existing here amongst these and innumerable other opposites. While we may previously have been able to draw a bright line to demarcate our boundaries like between home and work, this pandemic has highlighted daily ambiguity. Because, of course, none of these paradoxes are actually an “either-or”. They are always “both-and.”

Like Laurie Anderson said,

“You're walking.
And you don't always realize it,
But you're always falling.
With each step you fall forward slightly.
And then catch yourself from falling.
Over and over, you're falling.
And then catching yourself from falling.
And this is how you can be walking and falling
At the same time.”

Moving through our lives right now means embracing “both-and thinking.” It means recognizing that there is not one way or the other way. It means getting comfortable with ambiguity. It means that home is work is home is work is home. . .